Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
