Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
