I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
