Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
