what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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