She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize