How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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