Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
