i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize