i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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