I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
