bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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