so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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