Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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