This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
