david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
