a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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