My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize