don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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