I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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