If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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