Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
