Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
