I accidentally had phone sex last night
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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