did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
