He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
