Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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