I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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