Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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