Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
