My brain says no but my pants say off.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
