walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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