she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
