If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
