Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
