What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
