Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
