I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
