you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
