conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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