Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
