she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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