I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
