I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
