my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
