I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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