hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
