its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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