summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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