he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
It's like God shit irony all over that family
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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