ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
