So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
