Ketchup is God's man juice
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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