A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm always down for nudity.
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