Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My vagina just recognized that song.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
