If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Someone signed my nipple.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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