ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
