I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
