my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
