You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
