she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
