i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
