dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
