Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
