Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
