I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
