chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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