Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize