dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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