Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
