We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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