Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
