so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
