Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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