We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
