i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
