things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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