We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
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