omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
