I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
