We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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