I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
