I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
