i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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